Today is one of those days when I'm sitting on my porch looking out into the wilderness and noticing all of it's beauty. The way the dark black, deep red hummingbird sneaks along the flowers, trying to drink it's sweet nectar without getting caught by us humans. I notice all of the bugs, and remember from todays service that an ant can carry 50 times its weight. This thought makes me go examine a leaf covered with ants, and even though I hate bugs.... I start to admire those ants, and realize that they can do things that I'll probably never be able to do in my lifetime.
Why have I never noticed these things before? Why have I never thanked God for black and red hummingbirds or the wilderness or the flowers that are so perfectly beautiful when they blossom or the ants that will always be stronger then me?
I've never taken the time to look at something and notice how truly beautiful it is; not because of how it looks, but because God has created it.
The way the clouds float in the sky, the way the sunshine beams through them and lights up our world. Why have I never noticed this?
I realize now that my senses to beauty have been nonexistent since I've became a Christian. Jeremy Morris said if you practice and do and read something enough that it just becomes you, that you don't have to try to be it. I'm realizing just how true that is.
This summer I have done a drastic and life changing thing. I have, unawarely, stopped being friends with all of my "bestfriends." Do I get sad about this? Of course I do. I love those girls with everything inside of me. But, and of course there's a but to this, I don't think I would of gotten to realize all of these beautiful things in this beautiful world if they were still my bestfriends. I would of been held back. They are wonderful girls, but it's time for a new season.
Staying with them would make me miss out on the chance to realize that yes, Jake McCullough is attractive, but it's because of his big, kind, heart. It's because God has blessed him with a smile that can light up a room and a sense of humor that is unforgetable. Not because of what he wears, or how wonderful he sings.
I would of missed the chance to meet my new bestfriend, Sierra Frasier. Sierra, in other words, is the sunshine to my life on cloudy days. She has shaped me and changed my life so drastically for the good that I don't even know how to thank her. She is the most beautiful person I have ever met and God has blessed me so greatly with putting her into my life.
Maybe this is a love letter to God, maybe it's a love letter to beauty, or a love letter to my friends. The only thing I know for sure is that while I'm writing this I have so much love in my heart that I know it is, indeed, some type of love letter.
If it wasn't for my great friend Tevin Monroe, I would of never came to enfuego. I would of never got to meet Hayden and hear him talk. Hayden, the 21 year old pastor we have, can bring me to tears instantly with his words. Not because he speaks words of anger and hatrid, but because when he talks, he talks so deeply inlove to us that I can feel it. That this 21 year old man hasn't even been our pastor for a year and he's so deeply inplanted into my heart.
Tevin Monroe, you have changed my life for good. God has used you to save me and I just want to tell you, you did a beautiful job doing it. You are my bestfriend, my confidant, the one person I can tell anything to and not be judged or yelled at. I love you, so incredibly much.
If it wasn't for nicholas eaton, i would of never experienced my first heartbreak. I would of never known what those butterflies in my tummy felt like. I would of never been kissed on the forhead. I would of never hit rock bottom, or felt so naturally high. Nick, someday I hope we can be real friends, someday I hope you get that you're still this important to me. Not because i'm madly "inlove" and obsessed with you, but because you've helped make the person who I am today. Because you were the first boy to call me beautiful, and the only boy who I thought was worth losing everything over.
I thank God every single day for letting me meet you. If not, who would I be today?
I love the way peter morris sends shivers down my back whenever he sings, or whenever he gets so into talking during bible study. The first day I saw peter I thought to myself "wow, he's so dreamy, I wish I could be friends with him because he's so popular" LOOK AT ME NOW!!! haha, just kidding. Really, that was a joke. But, hey peter morris, you are so freaking amazing. I hope we stay friends, and become closer, because you are a true man of God my friend.
Walter Wawra. Matt Willsea. Do I need to say anything more? the most humble, great, two men in Christ I have ever met. Whenever I get around these two, I get so nervous and giddy and giggly that I can't contain myself. Not because I have a crush on them, even though... they are adorable; but, because they are so spirtually mature that I can physically feel their love for God in my body when I'm around them. I hope I stay friends with you two for a very long long time. <3
and.... enfuego. My home away from my home. Being in this place for two weeks straight made me find my real identity in God. It has also made me feel beautiful, for the first time in my life I believe my enfuego family's compliments to me. OH. enfuego family..... the first family I have ever actually had.
to my family. thank you so much for lifting me up when i'm down, for being sunshine on cloudy days, showing me love uncondtionally even when i get unruly, and believing i'm beautiful when i don't even believe in myself.
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