Tonight, I am going to be writing about a lot. Not a poem in any sorts, just blogging/venting/talking to myself (I'm good at all three).
So uhh; I lost a good friend this week. Not to a death or anything tragic like that. Its kind of a funny story, really. But not one of those funny stories where you actually laugh out loud. Its like one of those funny stories where someone calls it a funny story.... but it's not actually funny.. at all. But anyways, I lost one of my friends because of the things she was saying about me. Usually when people talk negatively about me i dont care...at all. It just really starts to bug me when people talk about my faith and what I believe in (thats exactly what she did). I dont exactly understand how my relationship with our Father has anything to do with anyone else... but she took it among herself to tell multiple people her feelings of MY relationship with God and how it was FAKE. I guess that just hurt my feelings a lot and I don't want to have friends who think that poorly/bad of me.
"Useless people make evil plans, and their words are like a burning fire. A useless person causes trouble, and a gossip ruins friendship." Proverbs 16:27
So lately, Ive just been feeling really down about life, in general. I'm starting to realize that it's because Ive just been really lacking in my relationship with God. Today is the first time I have pulled out my bible and actually read it in... two weeks. Is it silly to say that I was afraid to open it again because of how long I havent?
Writing this post so far has put me in such a better mood about everything. I'm really seeing how I should be more optimistic instead of pesimistic... even if I'm upset!!!
"I have heard your prayer and seen your tears, so I will heal you." 2kings 20:5
There has been this thing bothering me lately; and I just can't get out of my head. I look on facebook and I see all over all these higschool couples and how "inlove" they are. Even after a week or two of just dating... theyre "inlove."
Am I abnormal or wierd to feel like relationships are a waste right now? yeah... sometimes I get lonely/jealous of my friends and their boyfriends but that is rarely. I just feel like sometimes something is wrong with me or I'm not a normal girl because I dont want a relationship with a boy like that. It just seems like if youre "inlove" you have to give up a lot of yourself to the other person.. I guess I'm not ready to do that yet.
"You wash the outside of your cups and dishes, but inside they are full of things you got by cheating others and by pleasing only yourselves. You are blind! First make the inside of the cup clean, and then the outside of the cup can be truly clean." Mathew 23:25
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
talking mirror
Looking at herself in the mirror she asks, "who are you and what have you become?"
The mirror answers back;
"oh dear, the smile plastered on your face doesnt hide the fact that you think of yourself as a complete waste.
You are as beautiful as what you make yourself out to be,
but the fact that you dont think youre beautiful at all makes this hard for you to see.
Replaying what your critics say,tears climb out of your eyelids and make a dance upon your cheeks;
their harsh words flood your memory and youre crys come out in whispering shreaks.
Clean yourself up dear for noone can love a broken mess; hide the scars that you have and wipe up your tears,
go show everyone how brave you are and hide your biggest fears.
You cry and you scream and noone can hear you;
stop throwing fits because love, youre not two.
You are like the gum that has been stuck under the desk;
youre left there alone until you get in the way, then someone will scrape you up because noone wants something old to stay.
Go ahead, try to convince yourself that you mean something to someone but everyone else knows thats a lie,
did you honestly think that they would care if you were to die?
Stop thinking youre worth something because i promise, youre not."
Mirror mirror on the wall, youre the one that knows me, best of all.
The mirror answers back;
"oh dear, the smile plastered on your face doesnt hide the fact that you think of yourself as a complete waste.
You are as beautiful as what you make yourself out to be,
but the fact that you dont think youre beautiful at all makes this hard for you to see.
Replaying what your critics say,tears climb out of your eyelids and make a dance upon your cheeks;
their harsh words flood your memory and youre crys come out in whispering shreaks.
Clean yourself up dear for noone can love a broken mess; hide the scars that you have and wipe up your tears,
go show everyone how brave you are and hide your biggest fears.
You cry and you scream and noone can hear you;
stop throwing fits because love, youre not two.
You are like the gum that has been stuck under the desk;
youre left there alone until you get in the way, then someone will scrape you up because noone wants something old to stay.
Go ahead, try to convince yourself that you mean something to someone but everyone else knows thats a lie,
did you honestly think that they would care if you were to die?
Stop thinking youre worth something because i promise, youre not."
Mirror mirror on the wall, youre the one that knows me, best of all.
Friday, December 10, 2010
banging, skeet, making love, sex, intercourse?
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."I Corinthians 7:9
Sexxxxx.
Everyone knows what it is and a lot of them are doing it.
I guess i still dont understand it at all. Were in highschool, and i can guarantee you that 95 percent of the people youre "bestfriends" now you wont ever talk to after graduation.
I think that sex should be a sacred, secretive thing that a couple decides when theyre commited to eachother completely. Not when youre in highschool when most likely your boyfriend/girlfriend at the time wont even be in your life after highschool. Why give something so valuable to someone that you wont even remember in 20 years?
Now, i'm not trying to be a hypocrite or anything like that at all. At one point i thought that having sex while in highschool wasnt a big deal; that everyone was doing it and since everyone that was someone (popular) was doing it, than i should probably do it too. And i used to think it was so cool and it would make me popular if i was like all those other girls and boys.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." I Corinthians 7:3-5
I'm realizing that, thats not the case at all. i am so happy that im saving myself. Sex doesent just affect someone physically; sex comes with so many emotions and i just dont know.
Ive been told it feels really good and all that jazz, but i just dont think its worth it to do something so drastic at such a young age, ya know?
And plus God always factors in to this. His words and ways matter most to me then feeling "popular" and feeling "good" for a couple of hours.
Sexxxxx.
Everyone knows what it is and a lot of them are doing it.
I guess i still dont understand it at all. Were in highschool, and i can guarantee you that 95 percent of the people youre "bestfriends" now you wont ever talk to after graduation.
I think that sex should be a sacred, secretive thing that a couple decides when theyre commited to eachother completely. Not when youre in highschool when most likely your boyfriend/girlfriend at the time wont even be in your life after highschool. Why give something so valuable to someone that you wont even remember in 20 years?
Now, i'm not trying to be a hypocrite or anything like that at all. At one point i thought that having sex while in highschool wasnt a big deal; that everyone was doing it and since everyone that was someone (popular) was doing it, than i should probably do it too. And i used to think it was so cool and it would make me popular if i was like all those other girls and boys.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." I Corinthians 7:3-5
I'm realizing that, thats not the case at all. i am so happy that im saving myself. Sex doesent just affect someone physically; sex comes with so many emotions and i just dont know.
Ive been told it feels really good and all that jazz, but i just dont think its worth it to do something so drastic at such a young age, ya know?
And plus God always factors in to this. His words and ways matter most to me then feeling "popular" and feeling "good" for a couple of hours.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I'm so cliche.
I thought i hurt you as much as you hurt me,
but i never noticed, i was too blind to see.
You used me to get power, youre like any other coward.
I used you for love, thats not anything i can deny,
but you took it to far, you started to lie.
You cut me down until i was what you wanted;
broken and useless.
Now everynight i dream of you,
your face haunts me, as our memories do too.
You promised me forever, yet you left me at nowhere.
"I promise i'll change, i swear."
is what you told me.
But i never noticed, i was to blind to see.
You only love me when i hate you,
thats when you come back, thats your cue.
You live in the grown up world but you just as childish as me
I never noticed, i was to blind to see
Were like the blind leading the blind,
you have a black heart, you can never be kind.
I'm the truth that you need,
you can follow, and i'll take the lead.
but i never noticed, i was too blind to see.
You used me to get power, youre like any other coward.
I used you for love, thats not anything i can deny,
but you took it to far, you started to lie.
You cut me down until i was what you wanted;
broken and useless.
Now everynight i dream of you,
your face haunts me, as our memories do too.
You promised me forever, yet you left me at nowhere.
"I promise i'll change, i swear."
is what you told me.
But i never noticed, i was to blind to see.
You only love me when i hate you,
thats when you come back, thats your cue.
You live in the grown up world but you just as childish as me
I never noticed, i was to blind to see
Were like the blind leading the blind,
you have a black heart, you can never be kind.
I'm the truth that you need,
you can follow, and i'll take the lead.
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